I’ve just bought a Manchester United Lamp
It looks good in the middle of the table!
Joke courtesy of Fighting Table on Radio 5!
Jeremy Clarkson said this tonight on Top Gear.
I found it funny, as the only time, I saw a Lamborghini P400 Miura, was making a tremendous amount of noise on a Sunday morning in Oxford Street in about 1968!
This story from the BBC is summed up by a related tweet.
Two toilets – 28,000 roubles, Olympic media centre – 1.5bn roubles. Global embarrassment – priceless.
If this is the standard of humour for Sochi 2014, then we’re in for a treat.
This arrived as an e-mail from that green island across the sea; Ireland. It cried out to be posted.
When at a store checkout the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own shopping bags in future because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment..
The woman apologised and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.”
The cashier responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”
She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the shop. The shop sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got blunt.
But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every shop and office building. We walked to the shop and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two streets.
But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby’s nappies because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 2200watts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right. We didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the county of Yorkshire. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us.. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the post, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not polystyrene or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn.. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she’s right. We didn’t have the green thing back then.
We drank water from a fountain or a tap when we were thirsty instead of demanding a plastic bottle flown in from another country. We accepted that a lot of food was seasonal and didn’t expect to have out of season products flown thousands of air miles around the world. We actually cooked food that didn’t come out of a packet, tin or plastic wrapping and we could even wash our own vegetables and chop our own salad.
But we didn’t have the green thing back then.
Back then, people caught a train or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mothers into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical socket in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerised gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza place.
But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we oldies were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart-ass young person.
Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off…
The BBC commentator on the Cardiff match at Arsenal on Match of the Day last night deliberately referred to Vincent Tan and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer as Tan and Ollie.
I was amused, but was the Cardiff City owner?
Obviously,no-one knows exactly, but The Sunday Times has a picture of their meeting, with an added speech bubble for the Pope saying.
So what’s it like, being infallible?
I hope Pope Francis gave Putin some sound advice!
As I walked out of my house to get my newspaper, a guy passed me carrying a heavy case and a large stepladder.
It reminded me of Act 2 of a very old joke.
In Act 1, a guy walks across the stage carrying a case and he’s asked what he’s doing. He says that he’s a lawyer and he’s taking a case to court.
In Act 2, the guy walks back carrying the case and a ladder. His answer to the same question is that he’s taking the case to the High Court.
In Act 3, the guys walks back again, just carrying the ladder. This time his answer is that he lost the case.
I think I first saw it performed at a Scout camp, when I was about twelve.
I saw this poster at Scribbler in Liverpool Street station.
The caption says “gluten free, dairy free, fat free, I love this champagne diet.”
She certainly looks good on what she’s on!
I bought one for a friend!
With so many congratulating the Duchess of Cambridge on a successful birth, there had to be one or two that were funny. I like this one from Piers Morgan.
My money’s on an Australian cricket birth – all out by tea.
Obviously, it was on the news that the Duchess had gone into labour.